As a divorce attorney getting a divorce (from another attorney), it went fairly smooth. The emotions behind it were a rollercoaster of devastation, failure, freedom, openness, hope, and loss. But the legal process itself was a breeze…especially when you really have nothing to divide and no children to argue about who is NOT going to take them to ballet or hockey practice. When I was getting stuck with a mortgage and he was getting the Mercedes, I thought that was least I could do after shattering the man’s dreams of a stay at home mom before the big 3-0. I was headed toward partner in a life long career dream, and the man I loved wanted nothing more than for me to assimilate into his life. The creation of a unique life with my best friend was losing ground, and his desire for a “wife and kids” was gaining it. We grew apart…and our roots intertwined with others. So goes the first real failure of my life.
Some of you are hating me right now, but others are nodding their heads in complete understanding.
Don’t hate. Appreciate. 60% of us will be in these shoes one day and the other 40% will just be lying about it. Just wait.
The only hard part of the process was the one moment where my husband and I stood in front of the judge, in open court, and the judge asked us where our clients are. Not only do we have to point out to the judge that he clearly failed to read the documents before him, but that it was US who were divorcing. The looks on our faces were those of embarrassment, and a quiet urging for him to get on with it so that we could leave swiftly and cry alone without our colleagues and potential clients witnessing any of it.
Thereafter, our divorce spread like wildfire through the legal community. Our jobs were affected, our personal lives were the gossip of the year, and our hearts were heavier for it.
I don’t know if either of us has truly recovered, but we are ok. I know that I can relate better to my clients as they face a different emotion almost every hour, and I also know what I never want to go through again in life…ever. Life gives you tough lessons that you will look back throughout your dramas and remember why.