Diary Entry – Online Dating…the Start of It All

online dating
courtesy of dating-blog.org

We’ve all been there. Another Netflix movie, more Thai take-out, a call with the bestie commiserating about how hard it is to understand why he didn’t call or even respond to the text you sent three hours ago…..then he responds to the text and we suddenly feel silly….laugh it off….hop off the phone with the bestie….feel happy for the next 5 minutes until we respond to his one sentence text (that had more abbreviations than the UN) and then there is silence…again.  We then realize “I’m still sitting on this couch and I’m in my 30s…I should be out on the town!” FML!! We call the bestie back and convince her couch-sitting ass to go out to the closest and newest lounge for a few drinks, secretly hoping there is some eye candy who is already there and see us arrive looking stellar. (Clearly, we want no one to see us hours into the blue cheese stuffed olive vodka martinis.  That’s just not a good look on anyone….but we all do it because it’s so tasty!) 

I think I'll go make a martini. Wait. Can't find the vodka. Who am I kidding...the issue is finding the olive juice. Who am I? Elizabeth Taylor?! So I reach for a beer.

So we’re at the lounge, feeling sexy, feeling all ‘Sex and the City-esque’. And no eye candy. Why do we see other great women, sickening couples, and a fun bartender, but no eye candy. There is not a single man who I would want to even help me to a free drink, much less stare at for the evening to give me hope that there is Prince Charming out there.  So what topic inevitably rears it’s ugly head? ONLINE DATING. Yes, the proverbial, yet previously taboo, most feared option to women since Friends stopped taping new episodes and we needed a new series….and Dawson’s Creek appeared.  We all know the online dating option is there.  It’s like the elephant in the room, but in our own heads, we try to avoid facing it, thinking about it, and definitely resist succumbing to it.. But at some point, we have to face it to be able to move into the current dating scene.  Nowadays, online dating ranges from the old school machination of answering 1000 questions before you can even see a picture, to the efficient, fast food method of simply swiping. (So much so that there’s a commercial diddy about it. #truth) So, as we continue to toss back the martinis at the lounge where not a single hot man has appeared, we discuss online dating.  Sometimes the convo goes from an outright rejection of the idea to 50 stories of horrific dating scenes that only make us want to slosh back Makers’ Mark rather than martinis. Clearly, we have no other option but to head home, and hop online. Window shopping. Just window shopping. Men. Hundreds of Men (or women, whatever suits your fancy). Just waiting to be picked off the shelf. Kind of a cool concept really. Only purchase when you’re really sold on it and you can’t get it out of your head. And no one even has to know the dorky CEO you’re actually considering might be able to understand the book you’re reading, or the meat head you’re fantasizing about so long as he doesn’t open his mouth unless it’s to use his tongue in fantastic ways.  And so it goes…and as you window shop, you start to actual take out your wallet thinking this shopping spree might actually be more fun than you thought…and you create a profile.


Diary Entry – A Moment of Divorce

As a divorce attorney getting a divorce (from another attorney), it went fairly smooth. The emotions behind it were a rollercoaster of devastation, failure, freedom, openness, hope, and loss. But the legal process itself was a breeze…especially when you really have nothing to divide and no children to argue about who is NOT going to take them to ballet or hockey practice. When I was getting stuck with a mortgage and he was getting the Mercedes, I thought that was least I could do after shattering the man’s dreams of a stay at home mom before the big 3-0.  I was headed toward partner in a life long career dream, and the man I loved wanted nothing more than for me to assimilate into his life. The creation of a unique life with my best friend was losing ground, and his desire for a “wife and kids” was gaining it. We grew apart…and our roots intertwined with others. So goes the first real failure of my life.

Some of you are hating me right now, but others are nodding their heads in complete understanding.

Don’t hate. Appreciate. 60% of us will be in these shoes one day and the other 40% will just be lying about it. Just wait.

The only hard part of the process was the one moment where my husband and I stood in front of the judge, in open court, and the judge asked us where our clients are. Not only do we have to point out to the judge that he clearly failed to read the documents before him, but that it was US who were divorcing. The looks on our faces were those of embarrassment, and a quiet urging for him to get on with it so that we could leave swiftly and cry alone without our colleagues and potential clients witnessing any of it.

Thereafter, our divorce spread like wildfire through the legal community. Our jobs were affected, our personal lives were the gossip of the year, and our hearts were heavier for it.

I don’t know if either of us has truly recovered, but we are ok. I know that I can relate better to my clients as they face a different emotion almost every hour, and I also know what I never want to go through again in life…ever. Life gives you tough lessons that you will look back throughout your dramas and remember why.